McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
