i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
