omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
