I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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