She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
