She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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