new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
