How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
