just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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