Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
