also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
