I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MIDGETS
????
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
