Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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