You just made me feel so damn special
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
