at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
