I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
