I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
