party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
