I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
third nipple confirmed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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