do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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