I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Fuck appropriateness.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
