garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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