I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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