thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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