If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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