And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
