how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He has the fingertips of a God
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
