so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
