glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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