I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
