I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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