Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
two words: eviction party
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
