I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
