Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
