someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
