Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just cropdusted the office
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
is this the sara with the beer cane?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
