I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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