I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
even my farts smell like vagina
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
