That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize