Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
