Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
