I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Small penises have feelings too.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
