He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
