he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He better not be in your backpack
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
