i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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