So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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