he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
