Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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