In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
