Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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