if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
