Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
