2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
