Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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