There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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