im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
