Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
