I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
