hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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