so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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