YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
