Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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