There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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