I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
