I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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