If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
