he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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