Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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